Tesla Full Self-Driving - “Trains vs. Brains”
Nominee: Tesla Inc. and Elon Musk for deploying Full Self-Driving software that consistently fails to recognise the universal symbol for “please stop before the massive metal death machine approaches”.
Reported by: David Ingram and Tom Costello, NBC News investigation with extensive video evidence - September 16, 2025.
The Innovation
Tesla's visionary approach to self-driving technology included the revolutionary concept that railway crossings—with their primitive flashing lights, descending arms, and obvious visual signals—were merely suggestions rather than critical safety infrastructure. The company confidently deployed Full Self-Driving software across hundreds of thousands of vehicles, apparently believing that their AI systems had transcended the need to recognise trains, a technology that has been successfully killing people who ignore it since approximately 1825.
The Educational Programme
Tesla driver Italo Frigoli became an unwitting participant in this advanced learning experience when his 2025 Model Y, equipped with the latest FSD 13.2.9 software, decided that flashing red lights and descending crossing arms represented an interesting philosophical question rather than an immediate stopping requirement. Despite perfect driving conditions and the latest hardware, his Tesla interpreted the approaching freight train as a scheduling suggestion, forcing Frigoli to manually intervene. The AI's touching confidence in its ability to outmanoeuvre several thousand tonnes of rolling steel represents either groundbreaking optimism or a fundamental misunderstanding of physics.
The Widespread Curriculum
NBC News discovered this wasn't an isolated learning opportunity. Six Tesla drivers reported similar educational experiences, with four providing video evidence of their vehicles' creative interpretations of railroad safety. The investigation found 40 examples on social media since 2023, plus seven additional videos showing Tesla's innovative approach to train crossing navigation. The most spectacular graduation ceremony occurred in Pennsylvania, where a Tesla in FSD mode successfully drove itself onto railroad tracks and was promptly educated by a Norfolk Southern freight train—though fortunately, the human occupants had wisely evacuated before receiving their final marks.
The Academic Response
When contacted for comment about their revolutionary transportation curriculum, Tesla and Musk maintained the kind of dignified silence typically reserved for educational institutions caught teaching dangerous nonsense. The National Highway Traffic Safety Administration confirmed they were “aware of the incidents and have been in communication with the manufacturer”—bureaucratic language for “we've noticed your robots can't see trains and we're not entirely comfortable with this.” Meanwhile, experts explained that Tesla's FSD operates as a “black-box AI model” trained on video examples, suggesting that engineers simply hadn't included enough footage of trains successfully convincing cars to stop.
Why They're Nominated
This nomination showcases the extraordinary achievement of deploying machine learning that apparently never learned the most fundamental rule of railroad safety: trains always win. Tesla managed to create software that can navigate complex urban environments but struggles with the basic concept that trains—being significantly larger, heavier, and more committed to their chosen path than cars—deserve right-of-way. The company's deployment of technology that consistently fails at recognising one of humanity's most dangerous moving objects demonstrates either breathtaking faith in artificial intelligence or a profound misunderstanding of why railway crossings exist. When your cutting-edge autonomous vehicle repeatedly confuses freight trains with mild inconveniences, perhaps it's time to reconsider whether your AI has truly mastered the fundamentals of not being flattened by industrial machinery.
Sources: NBC News: Tesla Full Self-Driving fails at train crossings, drivers warn